HUMOUR in a PEA POD
Page 9

A collection of PICTURES AND VIDEOS that friends have sent me.
Completed `10 Dec. 19

SafeSurf Rated Adults Only

A BAKER'S DOZEN
The term `Bakers Dozen' originated when bakers would give a person an extra one if they bought twelve.

A FEW MORE (BAKER'S DOZENS OF HUMOUR) FROM BEAR'S READERS

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THIS BAKER'S DOZEN

  • 1: TOUGH
  • 2: SEAT
  • 3: PLANNING
  • 4: PUMPKIN
  • 5: PROOF
  • 6: THE TOUCH
  • 7: NOT FUNNY
  • 8: CHURCHES
  • 9: FORECAST
  • 10: DOGHOUSE
  • 11: STRIP
  • 12: METH
  • 13: CLASSES

  • 1:
    * YOU BETTER BE TOUGH *

    Courtesy of: Michele S.

    Man holding a bear cub, the mother bear is approaching from behind.
    ARE YOU TOUGH ENOUGH TO SURVIVE YOUR STUPIDITY?

    END

    Return To the Index

  • 2:
    * WHEN IS A BICYCLE SEAT TOO HIGH *

    Courtesy of: Elmer H. - Enderby, B. C. Canada

    A close up of a young lady on a bicycler.
    A YOUNG LADY ON A BICYCLE

    Picture courtesy of acidcow.com

    END

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  • 3:
    * WOMEN ARE SO MUCH BETTER AT ESTATE PLANNING *

    Courtesy of: Phillip M. Vancouver, B. C. Canada

    Dan was a single guy living at home with his father, and working in the family business.
    When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune, upon his sickly father's death, he decided he needed a wife with whom to share his fortune.
    One evening at an investment meeting, he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.
    "I may look like just an ordinary man," he said to her, "but in a short time my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."
    Impressed, the woman obtained his business card.

    Three days later, she married his father.

    END

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  • 4:
    * PUMPKIN' PIES *

    Courtesy of: Bonnie M.

    JUST IN TIME FOR THANKSGIVING

    A pumpkin on  a toilet silting pies.
    PUMPKIN PIES ARE MADE FROM PUMPKINS, NATURALLY

    END

    Return To the Index

  • 5:
    * PROOF READING IS A DYING ART *

    Courtesy of: Ling Ling K. - Malaysia

    NEWS HEADLINES FROM VARIOUS PAPERS.
    Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter
    Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
    Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
    Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
    Miners Refuse to Work after Death
    Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
    War Dims Hope for Peace
    If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
    Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
    Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
    Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
    Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
    New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
    Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft That's what he gets for eating those beans!
    Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
    Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
    Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
    Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

    END

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  • 6:
    * THE MELTING TOUCH *

    Courtesy of: Kim J.
    A little boy and a little girl looking in the little boy's diaper.
    Once upon a time there lived a king.
    The king had a beautiful daughter, the PRINCESS.
    But there was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt.
    No matter what;
    Metal,
    Wood,
    Stone,
    Anything she touched would melt.
    Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her.
    The king despaired. What could he do to help his daughter?
    He consulted his wizards and magicians. One wizard told the king, "If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands, she will be cured."
    The king was overjoyed and came up with a plan next day, he held a competition. Any man that could bring his daughter an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the king's wealth.
    THREE YOUNG PRINCES TOOK UP THE CHALLENGE.
    The first brought a sword of the finest steel.
    A sword.
    But alas, when the princess touched it, it melted, and t he prince went away sadly.
    A sad face.
    The second prince brought diamonds.
    3 diamonds.
    He thought diamonds are the hardest substance in the world and would not melt. But alas, once the princess touched them, they melted. He too was sent away disappointed.
    :-[
    The third prince approached. He told the princess,
    'Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there.'
    A red face.
    The princess did as she was told, though she turned red.
    She felt something hard. She held it in her hand.
    And it did not melt!!!
    The king was overjoyed. Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed. And the third prince married the princess and they both lived happily ever after.
    A happy face.
    Question: What was in the prince's pants?







    An m&m.
    M&M's of course.
    They melt in your mouth, not in your hand.

    What were you thinking??

    END

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  • 7:
    * THIS IS NOT FUNNY - BUT IT IS A MUST SEE *

    Courtesy of: T. Butts

    This will take some time, so grab a coffee.
    Click on Philosophy For Old Age to download the PPS file
    Click on the picture and then wait, click on the words and wait.
    Each wait is well worth the time.

    END

    Return To the Index

  • 8:
    * LAS VEGAS CHURCHES *

    Courtesy of: Barry W.

    Las Vegas Churches accept gambling chips
    aerial view of Las Vegas hotel.
    THIS MAY COME AS A SURPRISE TO THOSE OF YOU NOT LIVING IN LAS VEGAS , BUT THERE ARE MORE CATHOLIC CHURCHES THAN CASINOS.
    NOT SURPRISINGLY, SOME WORSHIPERS AT SUNDAY SERVICES WILL GIVE CASINO CHIPS RATHER THAN CASH WHEN THE BASKET IS PASSED.
    SINCE THEY GET CHIPS FROM MANY DIFFERENT CASINOS, THE CHURCHES HAVE DEVISED A METHOD TO COLLECT THE OFFERINGS..
    THE CHURCHES SEND ALL THEIR COLLECTED CHIPS TO A NEARBY FRANCISCAN MONASTERY FOR SORTING AND THEN THE CHIPS ARE TAKEN TO THE CASINOS OF ORIGIN AND CASHED IN.
    THIS IS DONE BY THE CHIP MONKS.
    laughing chipmunk.
    YOU DIDN'T EVEN SEE IT COMING DID YOU? --

    END

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  • 9:
    * WEATHER FORECASTING *

    Courtesy of: Redsky - Vancouver, B. C. Canada

    A clipping from a newspaper.

    END

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  • 10:
    * IN THE DOGHOUSE NOW *

    Courtesy of: Redsky - Vancouver, B. C. Canada

    A dog in a doghouse.
    HOW TO GET IN, & OUT, OF THE DOGHOUSE

    Picture courtesy of Data Doggie

    END

    Return To the Index

  • 11:
    * A STRIP TEASE *

    Courtesy of: Steve F.

    A close up of a photographer.
    AAAAH SHIT!

    Picture courtesy of American Buddha

    END

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  • 12:
    * METH LAB IDENTIFICATION *

    Courtesy of: Mark R. Vancouver B. C. Canada

    FOR SOME TIME NOW `METH LABSí (METHAMPHETAMINE LABORATORIES) HAVE BEEN SET UP IN RESIDENTIAL HOUSING UNITS (PRIVATE HOMES).

    THE POLICE HAVE BEEN BOMBARDED WITH REPORTS OF METH LABS AND HAVE CONSEQUENTLY RAIDED INNOCENT HOMES.

    TO CURTAIL THESE ERRONEOUS ACTIONS THE POLICE HAVE ISSUED AN IDENTITY KIT SO THAT WELL MEANING CITIZENS CAN CORRECTLY IDENTIFY A METH LAB, FROM OTHER TYPES OF LABS.

    A close up of a black lab.

    A close up of a brown lab.

    A close up of a yellow lab.

    A close up of a crazy lab.

    END

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  • 13:
    * AUTUMN CLASSES FOR WOMEN *

    Courtesy of: Barry W.

    Autumn Classes for Women at


    THE ADULT LEARNING CENTRE

    REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED By Sat., Nov 6th, 2010

    NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THEIR CONTENTS,
    CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.

    Class 1

    Up in Winter, Down in Summer
    How to Adjust a Thermostat
    Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.


    Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hrs beginning at 7:00 PM.

    Class 2

    Which Takes More Energy
    Putting the Toilet Seat Down, or Bitching About It for 3 Hours?
    Round Table Discussion.


    Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

    Class 3

    Is it possible to drive past a Zellers without stopping?
    Group Debate.


    Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

    Class 4

    Fundamental Differences Between a Purse and a Suitcase
    Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.


    Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

    Class 5

    Curling Irons-
    Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Bathroom Cabinet?
    Examples on Video.


    Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning At 7:00 PM

    Class 6

    How to Ask Questions During Commercials
    and Be Quiet During the Program
    Help Line Support and Support Groups.


    Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

    Class 7

    Can a Bath Be Taken
    Without 14 Different Kinds of Soaps and Shampoos?
    Open Forum.


    Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

    Class 8

    Health Watch
    They Make Medicine for PMS
    USE IT!


    Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

    Class 9

    I Was Wrong and He Was Right!
    Real Life Testimonials.


    Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.

    Class 10

    How to Parallel Park In Less Than 20 Minutes
    Without an Insurance Claim.
    Driving Simulations.


    4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

    Class 11

    Learning to Live--How to Apply Brakes
    Without Throwing Passengers Through the Windscreen.


    Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

    Class 12

    How to Shop by Yourself.


    Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

    Upon completion of ANY of the above courses, diplomas will be issued
    to the survivors.

    END

    Return To the Index

    To the top of This Page.

    MORE HUMOUR FROM BEAR'S READERS

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