HUMOUR in a PEA POD
Page 8

A collection of PICTURES AND VIDEOS that friends have sent me.
Updated `10 Aug. 22

SafeSurf Rated Adults Only

A BAKER'S DOZEN
The term `Bakers Dozen' originated when bakers would give a person an extra one if they bought twelve.

A FEW MORE (BAKER'S DOZENS OF HUMOUR) FROM BEAR'S READERS

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THIS BAKER'S DOZEN

  • 1: BLONDE
  • 2: LIFE
  • 3: y' OLD FART
  • 4: HUNTING
  • 5: NOT FUNNY
  • 6: ARRIVALS
  • 7: WEDDING
  • 8: BLONDE 2
  • 9: WOODPECKER
  • 10: WIFE
  • 11: BRA BASH
  • 12: OFFENSIVE
  • 13: FLOODING

  • 1:
    * ANOTHER DUMB DUMB-BLONDE JOKE *

    Courtesy of: Midge

    Two girls talking.
    The red head says, "I slept with a Brazilian".
    The blonde replies, "Oh! oh, you slut!"
    .....
    "How many is a Brazilian?"

    END

    Return To the Index

  • 2:* THE CIRCLE OF LIFE *
  • Courtesy of: Gary and Cheryl

    WHAT COMES AROUND
    GOES AROUND
    CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD A PPS FILE

    END

    Return To the Index

  • 3:
    * A(an); ANT, COW, & OLD FART *

    Courtesy of: Barry W.

    A Cow, an Ant, and an Old Fart are debating on who is the greatest of the three of them.
    The Cow: "I give 50 litres of milk every day and that's why I am the greatest!"
    The Ant: "I work day and night, summer and winter, I can carry 52 times my own weight and that's why I am the greatest!"

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    Why are you scrolling down?
    It's your turn to say something...

    END

    Return To the Index

  • 4:
    * DUCK HUNTING *

    Courtesy of: Elmer H. - Enderby, B. C. Canada

    A Saskatchewan guy went out duck hunting in the Fall and a gust of wind blew, his gun fell over and discharged shooting him in his private parts.
    Several hours later, lying in a hospital bed, he was approached by his doctor.
    "Well sir, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you are going to be OK. The damage was local to your groin, there was very little internal damage and we were able to remove all of the buckshot."
    "What's the bad news?" asked the hunter.
    "The bad news is that there was some pretty extensive buckshot damage done to your penis which left quite a few holes in it. I'm going to have to refer you to my sister."
    "Well I guess that isn't too bad," the hunter replied. "Is your sister a plastic surgeon?"
    <"Not exactly," answered the doctor.
    "She's a flute player in the Regina Symphony Orchestra. She's going to teach you where to put your fingers so you don't piss in your eye."

    END

    Return To the Index

  • 5:
    * IF YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY - YOU ARE SICK *

    Courtesy of: Elmer H. - Enderby, B. C. Canada

    Some people learn by reading,.
    Some people learn by watching, and
    Some people just have to piss on the electric fence to see for themselves......
    Today's safety lesson......

    N-E-V-E-R, E-V-E-R,
    urinate on a 220 watt 3 phase electric fence!

    schematic of a fence.
    tweezers holding a fried penis.

    END

    Return To the Index

  • 6:
    * NEW ARRIVALS *

    THEY HAVE FINALLY ARRIVED
    AND WILL BE THE SENSATION OF THE SEASON

    3 girls in micro bikinis.

    W's NEW COLLECTION OF SUNGLASSES FOR 2010

    END

    Return To the Index

  • 7:
    * JEWISH WEDDING *

    Courtesy of: Doreen W.

    A close up of a photographer.
    A PHOTOGRAPHER TAKES PICTURES AT A WEDDING

    Photo courtesy of: PRINT ROOM

    END

    Return To the Index

  • 8:
    * A BLONDE'S PASSWORD *

    During a recent password audit, it was found that a young blonde was using the following password:
    MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofyOttawa@skrim.usa"
    When asked why she had such a long password, she replied,
    blonde with a dumb expression.
    "I was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital."

    END

    Return To the Index

  • 9:
    * WORLD'S LARGEST WOODPECKER *

    Courtesy of: Elmer H. - Enderby, B. C. Canada

    As far as Wood peckers go, it's got to be the biggest on record!

    A lady standing under a branch of a tree that looks like a flacid penis.

    What did you expect?

    A picture of a bird!?

    From me?

    NOT LIKELY!

    END

    Return To the Index

  • 10:
    * MIDDLE WIFE *

    Courtesy of: Barry W.

    When I was a child, I loved show-and-tell.
    So, as a teacher, I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and, usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame.
    Children bring in; pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, place any boundaries or limitations on them.. If they want to lug it in to school, and talk about it, they're welcome.
    One day, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing child, took her turn and waddled up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater. She held up a snapshot of an infant.
    "This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday."
    "First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord."
    Erica is standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me.
    The children are watching her in amazement.
    "Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!" Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. "She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!" (Now Erica is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.)
    "My Dad called the middle wife.. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this.." (Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.) "And then, pop!
    My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!" (Erica has her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing away. It was too much!)
    "Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe.
    They started counting, but never even got past ten.
    Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother.
    He was covered in yucky stuff .
    They said it was from Mom's play-center, (placenta) so there must be a lot of toys inside there.
    When he got out, the middle wife spanked him for crawling up in there."
    Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat.
    I'm sure I applauded the loudest.
    Ever since then, when it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another 'Middle Wife' comes along.

    END

    Return To the Index

  • 11:
    * AN OLD FASHINONED BRA BASHING *

    Courtesy of: Elmer H.

    Dr. Calvin R., a scientist from State University , invented a bra that would keep women's breasts from jiggling and prevent their nipples from pushing through the fabric when the weather was cold.

    A lady with average sized breast wearing a full cut bra.
    After a news conference, announcing the invention, a large group of men took Dr. Rickson outside and gave him a royal bashing.

    END

    Return To the Index

  • 12:
    * SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE *

    Courtesy of: Ed M.

  • The rescue workers at the Pakistan flood area say that the smell of bodies is unbearable.
    They expect it to get worse when they start finding the dead ones.

  • A charity single has been released in aid of the Pakistan Flood Relief.
    It's called, "Raindrops Keep Falling On Ahmed."

  • There were no survivors from that recent Pakistani Airlines plane that crashed, killing all 152 people on board.
    Both families are devastated.

  • Paddy got arrested in a B & Q today for punching an African woman at the till.
    He claims it wasn't his fault, his father had told him to go in and get a Black and Decker.

  • Experts are worried about President Obama's mental state after he pledged millions of dollars of aid to Northern Ireland, following the tragedy of Hurricane Higgins.

  • A lesbian went for a smear test and the doctor told her, "That's the cleanest vagina I've seen!"
    The lesbian replied, "Yes, I have a woman in twice a week!"

  • Paddy and his wife were discussing their sex life. Paddy said, "I want to try that wheelbarrow position tonight."
    His wife asked, "What is that?"
    Paddy told her, "You bend over, put your hands on the floor then I pick your legs up and take you from behind!"
    His wife said, "Hmm, okay, I'll do it on two conditions. First, if it hurts you stop immediately and, second, ... we don't go down past my mother's house!"

  • My teenage son told me that he had sex with the neighbour's daughter last night for the first time.
    "Well done, son," I said, "I hope you wore something?"
    He replied, "Yeah, a balaclava!"

  • I went to the doctor while I was on holiday in Bangkok recently, to get my testicles checked out.
    While the doc was cupping my dangly bits, she said, "Don't worry, it's normal to get an erection during this kind of examination."
    I said, "I haven't got an erection!"
    She replied, "No, but I have!"

  • Ramadan is here again. The one time of the year when Muslims cannot eat or drink within the hours of daylight, they just starve.
    Never has the term, "Not enough hours in the day" been more appropriate!

  • A little Pakistani girl goes to her mother and says, "Mummy, I don't want to be a lesbian when I grow up!"
    Her mother sasks, "What makes you think you'll be a lesbian, Minjeeta?"

  • A bloke was sitting on a bus when a gorgeous woman next to him starts breastfeeding her baby.
    The baby won't take it so she says, "Come on, eat it all up or I'll give it to this nice man here."
    Ten minutes later, the baby is still not feeding so she says again, "Eat it all up or I'll give it to this nice man here."
    The bloke says, "Listen, love, can you make your bloody mind up, I should've got off four stops ago!"

  • French foreplay: Dinner, wine, sex!
    Italian foreplay: Dinner, wine, caressing, sex!
    Latino foreplay: Dinner, wine, dancing, caressing, sex!
    Scottish foreplay: "Haw, ye awake?"

  • I fostered a Muslim child yesterday.
    all four cans hit him on the head!

  • The guy who owned the Odeon Cinema group has died.
    His funeral is next Friday at 2.10, 4.20 and 8.40.

  • I got banned from a Muslim clothes shop today.
    I asked for a bomber jacket.

  • Why do Cadbury's make white chocolate?
    So that black kids can also have messy faces .

    END

    Return To the Index

  • 13:
    * CROWDS PANIC AS FLOODS THREATEN IRELAND *

    Courtesy of: Ed M.

    Men standing in flowing water in front of a bar.

    END

    Return To the Index

    To the top of This Page.

    MORE HUMOUR FROM BEAR'S READERS

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