HUMOUR in a PEA POD
Page 11

A collection of PICTURES AND VIDEOS that friends have sent me.
Completed `11 Apr. 12

SafeSurf Rated Adults Only

A BAKER'S DOZEN
The term `Bakers Dozen' originated when bakers would give a person an extra one if they bought twelve.

A FEW MORE (BAKER'S DOZENS OF HUMOUR) FROM BEAR'S READERS

PAGE
1
PAGE
2
PAGE
3
PAGE
4
PAGE
5
PAGE
6
PAGE
7
PAGE
8
PAGE
9
PAGE
10
PAGE
12
PAGE
13

THIS BAKER'S DOZEN

  • 1: MAGIC HAT
  • 2: FRED
  • 3: ESL
  • 4: DAYCARE
  • 5: FLY BY
  • 6: ASSORTED
  • 7: FISHIN'
  • 8: BUTTONS
  • 9: TIME
  • 10: DEATHS
  • 11: SOUTH
  • 12: HOLES
  • 13: QUICK

  • 1:
    * MY MAGIC GREEN HAT *

    Courtesy of: Mark K. Pricnce George, B. C. Canada.

    Ball cap that says `border patrol'

    The other day I needed to go to the emergency room.
    Not wanting to sit there for 4 hours, I put on my MAGIC GREEN HAT.
    When I went into the E.R., I noticed that 3/4 of the people got up and left.
    I guess they decided that they weren't that sick after all. Cut at least 3 hours off my waiting time.
    It also works at DMV. It saved me 5 hours.
    At the Laundromat, three minutes after entering, I had my choice of any machine, most still running.

    But...don't try it at McDonald's.
    The whole crew got up and left and l never got my order!

    END

    Return To the Index

  • 2:
    * FRED'S DING-A-LING *

    Courtesy of: Barry W. B. C. Canada

    A local law enforcement officer stopped a car for traveling faster than the posted speed limit.
    Since he's in a good mood that day he decides to give the poor fellow a break and write him out a warning instead of a ticket.
    He asks the man his name.
    "Fred," the man replies.
    "Fred what?" the officer asks.
    "Just Fred," the man responds.
    When the officer presses him for a last name, the man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it.
    The officer thinks he has a nutcase on his hands but plays along with it. "Tell me Fred, how did you lose your last name?"
    The man replies, "It's a long story so stay with me.
    I was born Fred Dingaling. I know, funny last name. The kids used to tease me all the time. So I stayed to myself.
    I studied hard and got good grades. When I got older I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, finally got my degree.
    So I was Fred Dingaling, MD.
    After a while I got bored being a doctor so I decided to go back to school.
    Dentistry was my dream. Got all the way through school, got my degree.
    I was now Fred Dingaling MD DDS.
    Got bored doing dentistry so I started fooling around with my assistant. She gave me VD.
    So, I was Fred Dingaling , MD DDS with VD.
    Well, the ADA found out about the VD so they took away my DDS
    so I was Fred Dingaling , MD with VD.
    Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD
    leaving me as Fred Dingaling with VD.
    Then the VD took away my 'dingaling' so now I'm just Fred."
    The officer walked away in tears,
    laughing so hard he tore up the Warning Ticket.

    END

    Return To the Index

  • 3: * CHINESE AS A SECOND LANGUAGE *
  • Courtesy of: Mark K. Pricnce George, B. C. Canada.

    A picture of a list of sayings in pin yin

    END

    Return To the Index

  • 4:
    * DADDY DAY CARE *

    Courtesy of: Barry W.

    A sign in front of a cantina.

    END

    Return To the Index

  • 5:
    * A ROYAL FLY BY *

    Courtesy of: Wayne & Juanita

    A rare photograph of the Royal Navy's Harrier jump jet fleet
    Just prior to their demobilization as part of the present UK's defence budget cuts:
    A picture of the last Harrier fly by over the Houses of Parliament.
    You may have to squint a bit to see what the 'boys' are trying to say!

    A group of planes forming the letters F U C K O F F.

    END

    Return To the Index

  • 6:
    * AN ASSORTMENT OF CARTOONS *

    Courtesy of: Barry W.

    Cartoon - man in drug store. Cartoon - old lady writing on billboard.
    Cartoon - men on moon. Cartoon - stweartess with large boobs.

    END

    Return To the Index

  • 7:
    * NEWFIE FISHIN'? *

    Courtesy of: Redsky - Vancouver, B. C. Canada

    A Newfie was stopped by a game warden with two ice chests full of fish. He was leavin' a cove well-known for its fishing.
    The game warden asked the man, 'Do you have a license to catch those fish?'
    'Naw, sir', replied the Newfie. 'I ain't got none of dem dere licenses. I don't need one. You must understand, by, dese here is my pet fish.'
    'Pet fish?'
    'Yeah. Dat's de trut' bye. Every night, I take dese fish down to de cove and let 'em swim' round for awhile. Den, when I whistles, dey jump right back into dese here ice chests and I takes 'em home.'
    'That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that.'
    The Newfie looked at the warden for a moment and then said, 'It's de trut Mr. Government Man. I'll show ya. It really works.'
    'O.K.', said the warden. 'I've got to see this!'
    The Newfie stood on a rock and poured the fish into the cove. Then he stood and looked out to sea.
    After several minutes, the warden says, 'Well?'
    'Well, what?', asks the Newf.
    The warden says, 'When are you going to call them back?'
    'Call who back?'
    'The FISH', replied the warden!
    'What fish?', replied the Newfie.

    END

    Return To the Index

  • 8:
    * AN ASSORTMENT OF BUTTONS TO BRIGHTEN YOUR DAY *

    Courtesy of: Barry W.

    A lapel button with a wise ass saying. A lapel button with a wise ass saying. A lapel button with a wise ass saying. A lapel button with a wise ass saying.
    A lapel button with a wise ass saying. A lapel button with a wise ass saying. A lapel button with a wise ass saying. A lapel button with a wise ass saying.
    A lapel button with a wise ass saying. A lapel button with a wise ass saying. A lapel button with a wise ass saying. A lapel button with a wise ass saying.
    A lapel button with a wise ass saying. A lapel button with a wise ass saying. A lapel button with a wise ass saying. A lapel button with a wise ass saying.

    END

    Return To the Index

  • 9:
    * GOD'S TIME *

    Courtesy of: Barry W.

    A man lenaing against a wall, talking on a cel phone.
    Man: God?
    God: Yes?
    Man: Can I ask you something?
    God: Of course!
    Man: What's a million years to you?
    God: A second of your time.
    Man: And a million dollars?
    God: A penny of Canadian money.
    Man: God, can I have a penny?
    God: Yes, just wait a second.

    END

    Return To the Index

  • 10:
    * UNUSUAL DEATHS *

    Courtesy of: Barry W.

    * UNUSUAL DEATHS *

    END

    Return To the Index

  • 11:
    * DOWN SOUTH *

    Courtesy of: Tom W. Cowichan Bay, B. C. Canada

    ALABAMA
    A group of Alabama friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck.
    "Where's Henry?" the others asked.
    "Henry had a stroke o' some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail," the successful hunter replied.
    "You left Henry layin' out there and carried the deer back?" they inquired.
    "A tough call," nodded the hunter. "But I figured no one's gonna steal Henry!"

    Georgia
    The owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.
    He called her into his office and asked, "Y'all graduated from the University of Georgia and I need some help. If I wuz to give yew $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"
    The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, "Everthang but my earrings."

    Louisiana
    A senior citizen in Louisiana was overheard saying ... "When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Louisiana."
    When asked why, he replied, "I'd rather be in Louisiana 'cause everythang happens in Louisiana 20 years later than in the rest of the world."

    Mississippi
    The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!"
    Bubba asked, "Did y'all see who it was?"
    The young man replied, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license number."

    North Carolina
    A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait.
    A passerby studied the scene as he drove by, and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was.
    The man replied, "I got a flat tahr."
    The passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?"
    The man responded, "When you break down they tell you to put flowers in the front and flowers in the back. I never did understand it neither."

    Tennessee
    A Tennessee State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-65. The trooper asked, "Got any ID?"
    The driver replied, "Bout whut?"

    Texas
    The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up into the ditch. The Sheriff asked, "Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? Don't you see that sign right over your head."
    "Yep," he replied. "That's why I'm dumpin' it here, 'cause it says: 'Fine For Dumping Garbage.' "

    END

    Return To the Index

  • 12:
    * HOLES OF THE WORLD *

    Courtesy of: Mark R. Vancouver B. C. Canada

    Big Hole - Kimberley, South Africa

    Ball cap that says `border patrol'

    Apparently the largest ever hand-dug excavation in the world, this 1097 meter deep mine yielded over 3 tons of diamonds before being closed.

    Glory Hole - Monticello Dam, California

    Ball cap that says `border patrol'

    A glory hole is used when a dam is at full capacity and water needs to be drained from the reservoir.
    It is the largest spillway of this type in the world and consumes 14,400 cubic feet of water every second.

    Great Blue Hole - Belize

    Ball cap that says `border patrol'

    This incredible geographical phenomenon known as a blue hole is situated 60 miles off the mainland of Belize .
    There are numerous blue holes around the world, but none as stunning as this one.

    Sinkhole - Guatemala

    Ball cap that says `border patrol'

    These photos are of a sinkhole that occurred in Guatemala .
    The hole swallowed 2 dozen homes and killed at least 3 people.

    MONEY HOLE - Ottawa, Ontario Canada

    Ball cap that says `border patrol'

    This hole swallows Billions and Billions of Canadian Dollars annually!
    The money that falls into this hole is never seen again.
    It is reported to be filled with at least 307 smaller holes called ' ass holes '

    END

    Return To the Index

  • 13:
    * QUICKIES *

    From Elmer

    Man sitting at home on the verandah with his wife, he says, "I love you."
    She asks, "Is that you or the beer talking?"
    He replies, "It's me............. talking to the beer."

    From Barry

    TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America .
    MARIA: Here it is.
    TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
    CLASS: Maria.

    TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
    JOHN: You told me to do it without using the tables.

    TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
    GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
    TEACHER: No, that's wrong
    GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.

    TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
    DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
    TEACHER: What are you talking about?
    DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.

    TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
    WINNIE: Me!

    TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
    GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

    TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. '
    MILLIE: I is...
    TEACHER: No, Millie...... Always say, 'I am.'
    MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'

    TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it.
    Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
    LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.....

    TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
    SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.

    TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's.. Did you copy his?
    CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.

    TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
    HAROLD: A teacher

    END

    Return To the Index

    To the top of This Page.

    MORE HUMOUR FROM BEAR'S READERS

    PAGE
    1
    PAGE
    2
    PAGE
    3
    PAGE
    4
    PAGE
    5
    PAGE
    6
    PAGE
    7
    PAGE
    8
    PAGE
    9
    PAGE
    10
    PAGE
    12
    PAGE
    13

    « To my HOME PAGE
    Send me a comment (and I will add it to my Guest Book), or correction, or just say, "Hi"!
    (Mailbox)
    CONTACT FORM

    Thank you for visiting Lee's `HUMOUR in a PEA POD - Page 11' Page.
    Please come back and visit again!

    (Head shot.)
    LEIGH KIRKWOOD
    Travel Consultant
    CLICK HERE
    For all your; Adventures, Cruises, or Resorts
    SITE MAP
    search tips advanced search
    site search by
    free find logo
    Active Search Results
    Page Ranking Technology

    Search Engine